Kantis' Epic Adventures
by KranaB
Summary: Enjoy following the extremely marysue Kantis as he spends his days spying on and pranking the unsuspecting Akatsuki. How much Trouble could one man cause? Poor poor Akatsuki... This is a companion to my story D-rift and will most undoubtedly contain references to said story. That being said you DO NOT NEED to read my other stories. May contain spoilers.
1. Chapter 1

**KC: YEAH! I FINALLY GET MY SHENNANIGANS!**

ME:Ok. You're happy, we get it, now can we please start it already?

**KC: ONLY BECAUSE IM SO AWESOME! PSKRANABDOESNTOWNANYTHINGBUTTHESTORY.**

**NOW READ ABOUT ME!**

Kantis' Epic Adventures

"I know," he said. "And as much as I complain about it being a pain to run. I do feel kinda bad that it's going to be destroyed, and that so many of our students will die tomorrow.." he slumped in his chair staring into his untouched bowl of ramen.

Estara stepped forward and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry. Kimberly will fix everything and then we can go home and forget this ever happened."

"Whatever," he said throwing her hand off his shoulder. "I just wanna blow sh1t up!"

**The next day**

He chuckled quietly as the kunai was pressed lightly to his throat.

"Of all the people here you are the one I respect the most, so I will give you a choice. Join us, help us recreate the Akatsuki. We will bring a new order to this broken world. Choose wisely, you would not want to end up like her," his head was jerked around to allow him a view of Estara's lifeless corpse, "would you Sensei?"

At this he threw his head back, ignoring the fingers that ripped out a good portion of his hair, and laughed so intensely that one might think he had flipped his lid. It would be perfectly understandable with what he had been through today. He had watched all of his students and subordinates die, forced even to witness his best friend and longtime, confidant Estara fall at the hands of this child and his Sharingan wielding companion.

"If you think you could kill me." His laugh quieted to a demented chuckle, "Then you are my biggest shame as a student."

At this the boy slit his throat. In the moments before Nagato did so he used his doujutsu to fast forward time to the moment just after his throat was slit, and switched places with his throat-cut self. He did it so quickly that not even Madara (Cough, Cough, Obito) saw the sudden change in iris color/design. The result was a throat cut corpse in Nagato's hands and a quite alive Sensei standing right in front of him. As the now devastated red head waited for the assumed "clone" to poof out of existence, he looked dumbfounded at Kantis.

"How," he asked quietly. "How did you do that?"

Kantis walked over to a body, kneeling to see who it was. "Oh that? That was easy, learned that move in the cradle."

Unseen to the two people standing his eyes turned red, similar to the color of a Sharingan, but the design was infinitely different. Unlike the Sharingan (which tended to have rotational symmetry) his eyes were quite random. Aside from the black star where his pupil should be, he also had wild black streaks that branched from the center of his eye like the root system of a tree. The black began to bleed until only a fraction of the red was left.

"It's sooooooo old. If you want I can show yo…."

'Madara' stabbed him in the back, his kunai lodging directly between two vertebrae completely severing the spinal cord.

Suddenly he was back where he had been standing when he switched the first time.

"Now that wasn't very nice. Stabbing a person in the back." He looked over at Nagato, "How long do you plan on holding on to that. Cuz all that blood can't be good for your cloak."

Nagato, whom had been mesmerized by his Sensei's inability to die, looked down and screamed. He dropped his Sensei's 'corpse' and stared at the blood on his hands and clothes. 'B…bbb…bbuu…but, how? I thought it was a…,' he looked up at Kantis, horrified. "What are you?"

'Madara' pulled his kunai out of the other corpse, examining it closely. "So they are not clones, and yet they each have the same chakra signature as you just as a clone would." He turned to Kantis, "I think I'll keep you," he whispered. And with that Kantis felt himself being pulled into an alternate dimension. "There is no way you can escape from my Sharingan."

Kantis chuckled, quite insanely, 'if only you knew,' he thought, 'if only you knew.'


	2. Chapter 2

**WOOT! I'M TOTALLY READY FOR HYJINKS! (BTW if anyone is worried about Estara, don't be, she's not dead!) AND NOW WITHOUT HER KEEPING ME IN LINE, I CAN PRANK AS MANY PEOLE AS I WANT! THOUGH AS YOU CAN IMAGINE MY MAIN TARGETS WILL BE THOSE BACK STABBING AKATSUKI WANNABE'S.**

**….**

He was bored. SOOOOOOOOOOO BOOOOOORED!

"Geeze!," thought Kantis. "This guy has torture tactics down. First he drops me here, then he puts me in some sort of straightjacket while I'm taking a nap. And he just ups and ignores me for like months at a time. I'll die of boredom before he comes to check up on me." He suddenly had a thought. "Might as well play with my sword while I'm stuck here."

He surveyed the empty space around him, muttering.

"AHA! That's where I left it!" His Dojutsu suddenly activated and the space directly in front of him distorted, rippling as if someone had disturbed the reflection in a pool. He stuck his hand forward and it disappeared he pulled it back a couple seconds later and it was followed by a giant zanbato (a cleaving sword meant for cutting down cavalry). "Yeah, Who has the most epic sword ever! I DO!" and with that he proceeded to run through his basic exercises.

…..

**Somewhere in the Naruto-Verse**

'Madara' staggered slightly as he felt a massive release of chakra inside his Kamui. "Nagato, it appears as though your old teacher has grown tired of his accomidations. I need to check on him so for now I'll leave recruiting to you and the lovely Konan." He was gone in a blurred swirl of chakra.

…

As he arrived inside the kamui he was greeted with a giant sword nearly cleaving him in half. He quickly jumped, and landed on the flat of the sword. He was a good half foot from the tip of the blade and yet as he looked to the man wielding it (one handed too, 'what is he a monster?') he was struck by the space between him and his prisoner. Then he realized that not only was there a weapon in his kamui (which the man had not had with him when he was transported here), but the man, Kantis had somehow managed to completely rip the straightjacket he had been put in to shreds!

"So," asked 'Madara' "Care to explain where this sword came from?"

Kantis smirked lightly. "What do you mean, 'where it came from?' I've had it with me the entire time. In fact I was totally surprised that you didn't take it away while I was sleeping. By the way…. How much do you weigh, and how long have you been there, because I totally didn't notice you till you started talking."

"Not long. How did you not see me I was right in front of you ,you just about cut me in half, obiously you are not that observant." He replied, then stopped realizing what had just happened. "NO YOU DID NOT HAVE THAT SWORD WITH YOU WHEN I BROUGHT YOU HERE!" He calmed down a little bit. "I think I would have noticed something like this." 'Madara' tapped the blade under his feet lightly.

"Well then you must not be that observant, because I did have it with me. How else could I have it here now? Just because I'm un-killable does that give me some sort of dimensional awesomness or something? Cuz if I did I assure you that I would not spend all my time hanging around this boring dump!"

By now 'Madara' was quite confused. "Regardless," he said suddenly appearing beside Kantis and grabbing the sword. "I cannot allow you to have a weapon, especially one of this caliber."

"Well then you might as well cut off my arms and legs while you're at it." Kantis let go of the sword an insane grin on his face, and 'Madara' was surprised at the sudden weight. So much so that he lost his balance and fell flat on his face. "Oh and I hope you don't mind but I know Madara and you are not him. So imma just call you Tobi."

"Hn." He righted himself, "As if I would go by such a ridiculous name." and he returned to the other dimension. After finding a suitable place in their current base of operations to store the said sword he went back to helping Nagato and Konan try to find potential recruits.

The moment he was gone, a rift opened up next to the massive weapon, and Kantis stepped through. "Can't believe I forgot to limit my chakra, no wonder he noticed me. Well," he picked his sword off of the table it had been placed on, "what's say we teach this space time wannabe the horrors of the unknown. By the time I'm done with him even, he will think he's insane." With that he stabbed his sword deep into the ground in the center of the room, and warped back into the Kamui.


	3. DUDE WHERE'S MY SWORD?

**….**

**SO I BET YOU'RE WONDERING WHERE I LEFT MY SWORD. HUH? ARE YA!? ARE YA?! ARE YA!? WELL YOU CAN REST EASY BECAUSE I WILL NOW GIFT YOU WITH ONE OF THE BEST MINDFKKKKZ EVER!**

Moments earlier in a completely unrelated dimension:

Two men stood peering at the massive sword that had been left with them for almost two years.

"We should sell it," said the first man. He was a slenderly built man, a bit girly even. He had medium-long bright orange hair, pulled back in a ponytail. He was clothed in the traditional garb of a samurai, though the time of the samurai had ended some years ago, and he even wore a sword at his hip. His status as a fighter was hinted further by the x shaped scar on his left cheek. "It is made from a strong substance, though what that is I know not. It is resistant to rust, dust, dulling, or fading of it's sheen. It has had minimum matinance since it was left with us and is still in the same, if not better, condition that it was in when we got it."

The other man, a street fighter with a jacket bearing the symbol of Aku (evil), looked at his companion incredulously, "How could you even say that!" He smacked him upside the head.

"ORO?!"

"How would you feel if you came to retrieve your sword from someone you had trusted to take care of it, only to find they had sold it!"

"This blade is not a good one! It radiates a negative energy, and disrupts the flow of natural energy around the dojo! Just look at it, it is not a normal zanbato. It is far too large to be practical in combat, and it's base appears to be made of the spine of an animal. And I shudder to think of the animal that it might have.. originated….." he stopped distracted by a shift in energy around the sword.

Both he and his fierce companion stared as a hand appeared from the air next to the sword. The hand picked up the sword and drew back to wherever it had come from taking the sword with it.

"What was that?"

"I'm going to say it was a hallucination brought on by the consumption of Kaoru-Dono's cooking."

"ORO?"


	4. Chapter 3

**SO IM SOOOO AWESOME THAT THE KAMI COULDN'T DECIDE WHICH PRANK WITH WHICH TO AMAZE ALL YOU MORTALS! SO IT TOOK FOREVER… I'D BE SORRY BUT IS IT REALLY MY FAULT I'M SO AWESOME? **

"Ooooooohhhhh! I like the new digs! Wut's up with the sudden change in scenery? Did I do something to deserve a treat?"

Kantis was busily inspecting every nook and cranny (few though they were) in his new cell.

"Because, Sensei," Nagato spat the word in an attempt to insult kantis. "It would appear that my current sensei has grown tired of your… shenanigans.."

"Wait… what did I do to piss of Tobi? I always greeted him when he entered the Kamui, I tried to keep it clean, and make sure he was always comfortable."

FLASHBACK:

A hole opens up in the Kamui and Madara steps through. Surveying his personal dimension, he scanned for the newest blight on his existence. 'Where the hell was he?' Somehow even in a dimension of his creation where nothing could occur without his knowing the man managed to conceal himself perfectly. It was puzzling, the man showed more stealth and finesse now that he was a prisoner, than he had when they had captured him.

"HI TOBI!" Madara looked up to see the man floating upside down in the sky. It appeared as though he was sticking to some sort of ceiling, but that was impossible. 'My Kamui has no ceiling only open sky.' Suddenly Kantis appeared to lose his footing and fell directly on top of him.

In an attempt to dodge he jumped to the left, and had to stop short in order to avoid slamming into the giant sword in the ground. He instead decided to take a step to the right. His prisoner fell face first into the ground beside him, and he placed his hands on his hips. "How in the world did you manage to get that blasted sword again?! I've been looking for it everywhere! I don't know how you are doing it but if you do not stop then I will kill you. I don't care how interesting you are."

"I'm sorry!" Kantis jumped forward and hugged his legs like a child bringing his knees in tight. "Kantis won't do it again! Kantis is a good boy!" God this man was infuriating. He had developed this habit of talking about himself in the third person, and it was really starting to irk Madara. He slipped from his short reprive when the man released his hold on his legs. And managed to catch the last snippet of silenced mutterings, "It is almost complete."

This peaked his interest, " what is almost complete?" his eyes narrowed.

"Well…um you wont understand but… it's astounding….."

"Yes?"

"And well… time.. time is fleeting." The man looked away for a moment, "then madness takes it's toll."

"Well of course time is fleeting, you are inside the kam….."

The man slapped his hands over madara's mouth. "But listen closely!" madara pulled the hands off of his face.

"What the hell?!"

"NOT FOR VERY MUCH LONGER!" The man shouted over him.

'Goddamnit,' thought madara. 'I've got to keep control of this man.'

Suddenly the man burst out into song. Something about a time warp? 'what is wrong with this man? Listening to the lyrics madara realized that he had executed almost all of the dance moves described in the song. Kantis sang the last dance move then stopped and looked at madara. "Oh hell no!" he opened a portal beneath himself and dropped out of the Kamui.

He wound up in the hallway right outside his current rooms. Sighing, madara opened the door, pausing to survey his chambers his jaw dropped upon seeing kantis's sword leaning neatly in the corner.

….

"What are you doing sensei?"

Kantis snapped out of his 'moment' "Ah," he whispered,. "Good times, good times…"

"OOOKKKKKKK. And he was left to his silent musings. As nagato walked down the hall he was followed by fits of insane laughter. "I'm beginning to see why he never talked to anyone."

**"LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!" BECAUSE ROCKY HORROR IS THE BEST TROLL!**


	5. Chapter 5dont be angry I'm sorry

So you might have noticed a decided lack of updates in any of my stories as of late. This is because both of my computers have crapped out on me and I have yet to get a new one. I am currently typing this on my cell phone. As a subsequent addition to the loss of computers i allso lost several chapeter i had been about to publish so rest assured i am playing catch up on a pen and paper whilst i bide my time and earnings in the hope of a new computer. Until then i am on internet hiatus, hell im suprised i even typed this much. Touchscreens make me so mad. In summary, life hates me, dont expect anything soon, and i will zombie my way back somehow so wait for me. And i will miss you!


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